Emotional Abuse: A Manual for Self-Defense by Zak Mucha

Author:Zak Mucha [Mucha, Zak]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Self Help, Psychology
ISBN: 9781540835185
Google: xisIMQAACAAJ
Goodreads: 33404583
Publisher: Tova House
Published: 2016-12-15T23:00:00+00:00

“It’s Fine”

A lot of therapy session start out with the initial descriptor “fine.” Home is fine, work is fine, the kids are fine, the parents are fine, but the client is upset within minutes, “I don’t know what’s wrong…”

The phrase, “It’s fine,” often denotes some painful subject we are trying to ignore. “It’s fine,” can mean anything from, “I won’t complain,” to “That annoys me,” to “I want to cry,” to “I could kill someone,” but all of these statements acknowledge the existence of some complaint. Unless we specifically mean to say, “I approve of this,” when we say, “It’s fine,” we are being dishonest with ourselves. It’s fine usually translates to I won’t object out loud, even though I do object. The phrase is a mantra we adopt to convince ourselves that we do not agree with the unspoken opposite: It’s not fine.

The old radical Studs Terkel often said if a person does not oppose the status quo, then they support it. This is true in our personal interactions as well. We may know what we silently oppose, but unless that opposition is presented to the outside world, the world will accept our silence as approval. We have to listen to ourselves whenever we declare some situation to be fine, and assess whether we really mean it.

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